Protective Parenting: Why Safety Must Come Before Social Convenience

"All it takes is one inappropriate touch to ruin a child's life."

That was my mother's response when I asked if I could attend a slumber party. Her answer was resolute, grounded in conviction rather than fear. She explained that abuse can occur not only at the hands of strangers but also in homes that seem safe, sometimes even by the very adults hosting the children. She shared a painful truth: children who experience abuse may, in turn, harm other children. As a parent, she believed that God had entrusted her with our protection and, for that reason, answered no.

At the time, my sister and I felt disappointed. Like most children, we longed to have fun, fit in, and participate in activities. However, childhood is not meant for weighing risks; parenthood is. While we stayed home watching music videos rather than attending parties or playing in the neighborhood, what felt restrictive in the moment later proved to be intentional and protective. What I once perceived as control, I eventually came to understand as wisdom.

Parents are often criticized for being "too strict," but it is essential to recognize that boundaries are not indicators of indifference; instead, they are manifestations of care. Children raised without consistent rules and guidance may seem carefree, yet the absence of boundaries can convey a much more detrimental message: a lack of concern. Discipline, structure, and clear expectations are vital for a child's emotional security and overall well-being. Children require limits not to feel restricted, but to feel safe.

Parents hold the responsibility to say no whenever there is even a potential risk to a child's safety. This includes being aware of where children are at all times, who they are with, and who is supervising them. Even when family members or trusted adults are involved in caregiving, due diligence is essential. Conducting background checks, seeking references, and maintaining ongoing communication should never be viewed as excessive when a child's welfare is at stake.

Education plays a crucial role in a child's development. Children must be taught early and clearly about body autonomy, their private areas, and the distinction between appropriate and inappropriate touch. Concepts such as "good touch" and "bad touch" should be conveyed in age-appropriate ways that remain universally understood. Children must be empowered to recognize their own voice and have their feelings respected when they express discomfort around someone. The importance of politeness should never compromise their personal safety.

Contrary to popular belief, children possess a natural intuition. Many are highly perceptive and can sense when something is amiss, even if they struggle to articulate it. Parents need to nurture this intuition rather than dismiss it. Respect and caution can indeed coexist.

Educating children about stranger safety is crucial and should begin at an early age. My sister and I narrowly escaped a kidnapping while waiting for our ride after school. A woman approached us with an unsettling sense of familiarity; she knew our mother's and grandmother's names, was aware of their workplaces, and claimed to know that our grandmother would be late. Her story was convincing. However, I listened attentively, took my sister's hand, and firmly declined to go with her. Instead, we returned to the school and informed our teacher. That decision ultimately safeguarded our lives.

Neither my mother nor my grandmother had sent anyone to pick us up. The woman was a stranger. Following that incident, the school revised its dismissal policy, requiring parents to personally retrieve Pre-K, kindergarten, and first-grade students directly from the classroom. Years later, my sister confessed that she would have accompanied that woman if I hadn't intervened. She was younger and had not yet received any formal instruction on stranger safety, a realization that underscored the vital importance of teaching these lessons as early as possible, even at age two.

Children rely on adults not just for love, but also for protection, preparation, and advocacy. When parents set boundaries, educate their children, and stay vigilant, they are not restricting childhood; instead, they are preserving it.